MZUNI GOSSIP

When people were nicked for stealing drugs; he was implicated. When someone was arrested on suspicion that he had stolen money from some white skinners; he was the one. He was the one in 'Lean on me'.

Today, he is the one driving marcopolo. How did she get the alias, Marcopolo? Well, your guess is as good as mine. Not her fat ass. Noooooooooo! A marcopolo bus is, like a sacramento, a bus that carries a lot of people! So I think she's got that name chifukwa she's been entertaining numerous guys and dudes alike.

And now she is in trouble. Well its not iyeyo who is in trouble but its the driver who is in water so deep that he is sinking. Word has it that rojas have been seeing him driving the said bus even after 10pm and this is contrary to ........ of the students' handbook.

Folks dont be cheated! The guy amagona konko, amasamba konko, amanya (a stout!) konko, amatchaya mesho akuona konko, makondomu amakhala mbwee konko, amasuta konko, amasita konko (meaning?), amachapa konko, ama ... konko.

Ndiye matchiki anakwiya. Amvekele, koma ameneyu azikasambitsa p***y residue mu bath tub mwathu? Tikanena basi. Komanso ameneyu amati akama***nda amatisokosa ife ndikumafa ndi ny**e. Ala asome basi.

The driver is in trouble.

Log on to;


for more gossip. Sitimachita nsanje ife!

Folks,

Some things happen not because they were meant to be mn mn but because someone forced them to . It is commonly said that whatever happens today was planned by God? Well so God lets people have herbs so that some guy can sleep with 10 girls in one semester?

One wonders why this guy has become a hot seller like hot cakes'tu. Whereever you go (girl's room) he is there, whenever you call; he answers the phone, whatever you do; he knows what you've planned, however hard you try to duck from his way; he always finds out!

This junior is hot and girls are loving him. The junior in question is so hot dudes are planning to ask him to slow down. You can imagine kuti, you spot a girl and decides to visit her he is there.' Ok!' You say and spot another girl. When you pay this other girl a visit the same guy is there. iiiiiii abale this guy is fast becoming ubiquitious material.

Kuli edzi! Kuli edzi! Kuli edzi edzi e!e!e! Kuli edzi samala mayendedwe!

You know how good we are at doing what we do. We launched an investigation to find out how and why the guy from napolo land has become this big in the kugonana business.

Akulu, akulu. You will remember that ,back in the days, napolo land was famous for its witch doctors who could remove one's private parts for display on one's forehead. This guy visited one of them! He's using ntera! Ndi wa mankhwala! Ali ndi zithumwa! Ali ndi mphinjiri! Amamwa nkhondo ku bedi to satisfy his 'victims'!

Girls! you've been warned so stay out of his way as he has already bedded 1o girls this semester.

A lot happened late last week and early this week. You talk of girls changing boyfriends, boys getting the boot and Yos involved in a stealing scandal.

We are neither interested in how the theft took place nor how they got caught. We are interested in why the theft took place.

We interviewed a good number of people and their views are given below, we have just added condiments to make them palatable!

Zeze 4

Zeze 4 is a well known gangster who is not only good at swearing but also smoking chamba, solving maths (he was on the Dean's list in his maiden semester at this geli) and not taking the pledge.

He was hanging out with Miss Mugabe last semester until the girl started started asking him to become a born-again christian.

He usually tiwas (plaits) his hair and sometimes wears blue sneakers.

One wonders if he is gonna go ku Finland.

Zeze 5

He is an out and out YO. He spits ( Zeze 4 spits as well) and there is nothing more we can write about him. We cant talk about his looks without this thing getting personal so we will be silent on that.

I!i!i!i! ndinayiwala, he was chasing some bespectacled girl wa ku ma house. Ha ha ha ha tsiku lina lake anamva kuti tchikiyo inali ndi mani ina yake koma inu, nyamata analikumba liwiro di di di kuthamanga kukaona kuti chimachititka ndi chani.

Zeze 6

He is good looking, as far as the trio is concerned and lost in the musu elections held was it last month? Not much is known about him but he has always appeared to me someone who wouldn't master mind a stealing scheme.

Views

1. They wanted money so they could always be in the commonz like atcheya.

2. They were under pressure from their fellow suitors who were seen walking into the rooms of their ma hope carrying ma jumbo odzadza ndi katundu.

3. They were under intense pressure from fellow Yos who, after tima 10 grand, bought new mbota and were threatening to take over their dynasty .

4. They had seen Mzuni's biggest Yo (nyamata wa flag) wearing new shoes (puma), a new wrist watch (rolex), a new boot (hilfiger), a new pair of jeans (Gucci) ,a new kangol (Sean John) and a new T-shirt (Man U, AIG).

5. It was becoming increasingly difficult to maitain their status as giant killers or big-lady screwers. These things need money!

6. They wanted to organise a talent show. Bull!

7. They wanted to organise a basketball tournament . S-H-I-T!

8. They wanted to reap fruits of their sweat. They were at the center of the sit-in. This is not true!

YOU WILL GET OWNED, FAKE NIGGAZ!

One of our reporters was in Zomba to witness the burial of one David Chimwaza who until his death was a Mzuni student. He is survived by a girlfriend and a string of dependants. May his soul rest in peace.

There is one thing the reporters would wish to erase from his memory. The fact that our praying friends who went to Zomba sang the song 'Lirani anzanga lirani, lirani anzanga irani e e e lirani tiku? tikulira' when the deceased' folks were failing to come to terms with the untimely death of our friend, David.

Picture this; Someone you loved has died and you just cant accept that they are dead. There is nothing, no clue to explain why the deceased died in the manner they did. You are trying to piece it together and nothing seems to fall into place. You are at a loss because the one who has died would have developed your village. When the deceased's body arrives the ones carrying it sing the song 'Lirani anzanga lirani, lirani anzanga lirani e e e lirani tiku? tikulira'. What would you do? Cry on top your voice? Cry at the top your voice? No! You wouldn't feel comforted! You wouldn't feel comforted!

Dont you think that was the time to sing, 'Limba mtima m'bale wanga...'

Ok! Ok! Ok! Its been reported kuti pamene maliro amati azinyamuka kaya ndi abusa kaya ndi ndani ananena kuti, 'The departed was born on 6th February, 1982, which means he has died at the age of 13!' Anthu anayamba kuzuma mn mn mn mn mn.

Ena ake amvekele, 'pepani tati tinkhonze za zakazo. Ngati anabadwa pa 6th February, 1982 ndiye kuti malemuwa anali ndi zaka 33' Anthu anaseka!

by Edward Nyirenda, 16 June 2006 - 06:15:50

A Mzuzu University student David Chimwaza on Tuesday drowned in Lake Malawi at Chikale Beach in Nkhata Bay.

Police spokesperson for Northern Region John Namalenga on Thursday confirmed the death, saying Chimwaza was found floating on Tuesday afternoon.

“According to eyewitnesses, they saw him take off his clothes, enter the lake but did not appear until they saw him floating dead,” said Namalenga.

Mzuzu University Students’ Union president Isaac Pakulantanda said Chimwaza, who was a third-year Bachelor of Arts (Education) student, met his fate when returning to Mzuzu from his home in Zomba where he had gone to recuperate after having a bout of asthma.

“He left the campus on Friday, 10 June, 2006, suffering from asthma and Monday evening he was on his way back to college. But what we are not sure about is why he dropped off at Chikale on Tuesday,” said Pakulantanda.He said the students at the college are greatly shocked with their colleague’s death and the manner in which it happened.

According to Namalenga, a postmortem which was conducted at the Mzuzu Central Hospital on Wednesday did not reveal elements of suicide.Chimwaza, 25, was laid to rest on Thursday at his home, Mlosowa Village, Traditional Authority Mwambo, in Zomba.

A 'Zeze' is a person who is carefree. Someone who does their things regardless of what people will say about them. They might not be good looking but will continue to tell their friends that they are.

A 'Zeze' is someone who claims to be a Craig David, looks wise, while knowing that he is a Joe Gwaladi.

Zeze1

He is short, has a funny nose and is in first year. He is a yearo tchuwa!

If you have been following the stories on this page then you will remember that anabetcha 'Lean on me' ku common room. Zeze1, despite the fact that he's been here less than 2 semesters, has been in and out of chitolokosi. Flags, money,...

He was there on suspicion that anathrapa dollar ya akhiwa ena ake! He did not do it (steal the money).

Zeze1 is enjoying himself! Imagine kuti having slept with the former girlfriend of kanyamata ka sinika ya blue kaja he is now f**kng mahope a the same guy (wa sinika ya blue). Kungokhala ngati amayendana m'mapazi.

I am told the guy with the blue pair of 'snickers' is not worried kuti this yearo tchuwa is so adventurous that he's managed to sleep with two of his f*kmates. Why? He's going out with some beautiful girl wantauni.

Zeze2

He's got an odd head. His occiput is wrinkly and he never wears shoes. He was seen shooting blanks a couple of weeks ago. Meaning? Yearo anamugubuduza! Shame.

It is claimed that the yearo who turned down the proposal of the 'tcheya'man of drinking and flag stealing is going out with the erstwhile of KK. Katchiki Kakatali. Mwakayiwala? Inu kajako kakuvayitsana ndi anuwake odisiko kaja?

Kodi mwayiwala kuti fans ya Mutag inapita ku Zomba? Zeze2 alighted from the bus without even himself knowing. How is it possible? Hello, kodi iwe ulikuti? Ndili mu bus! Ok. Hello, Hello kodi iwe umati uli kuti? Mn mn a a a a it seems I am not in the bus! How could munthu wamkulu get drunk mpakana osadziwa kuti wasika bus? Iye amati ufititu!

Zeze3

He is short and plump. He is not a student but is very close to them. Rightnow he is in police custody and spent some hours , on Tuesday, with Zeze1 mu cell.

No names in this posting. No sobriquets. No aliases. Not even nicknames. The descriptions will not allow you to know the guys we are targeting!

There are two dudes and one girl in this story. The girl is a yearo while one of the dudes is a yearo-tchuwa. The third person is a junior.

Guys it is not a crime to introduce one's girlfriend to one's friends neither is it a crime to be a non-residential student.

The yearo tchuwa introduced his girlfriend to xxx ndipo weekend yomweyo mkaziyo anakagona ku room kwa guy inayo (xxx's room).

Afana ataona kuti tchiki yawo yasowa anafunsa anzawo, "Amwene kodi tchiki yathu mwaiona ngati?" "Mayazi sitinathayime in the name of Jah Rastafari".

Koma n'kuti panthawiyi tchikiyo ili ku room kwa xxx!

If these guys aint using condoms then they will die. They will die and wilt like ...