MZUNI GOSSIP

I will be baffled if someone out there disagrees that we are living in a sex age. Westerners call this age the computer age but with the facts below we would rather consider Mzuni to be in a sex age rather than the computer age.

One who was by the common room Friday to Monday (during the sit in) will agree with me that our libido level is soaring high that if we do not keep it in check then something bad (matenda e.g chisonono, mabomu, chindoko, kaliwondewonde, AIDS etc) will befall our beloved institution.

I mean how could a girl, a yearo, sleep with two men in one night?

How could a girl, a finale, kiss and … two men in a space of ten minutes?

I did not think it was possible but it is rumored that some girl (a finale) enticed some guy into sleeping with her (it happened!).

How could a dude leave the comfort of his girl’s room in kandahar where the matio can be sent into exile and decide to have one round too many ku ma house?

This really is Sodom. How could, you won’t believe this, a finale (boy) bonk two, not unattractive, girls within a space of fifteen minutes? How? Tell me how? We are told the finale has two bedmates. One has a phone while other is too chimidzi she cant own a phone let alone know how to operate one! So what the guy does is; he flashes the matio of the girl without a phone, when it’s her turn to be bonked! So what does the other girl think? You know research yavuta ma kompyuta asowa so I will be typing my ngini mu room mwa uje. And the unsuspecting yearo falls for it!

Talk of having multiple partners! You know some guys have all the luck. They are good looking. They have driving licenses. They have a fat bank account. They have computers in their rooms. So these guys are using their worldly possessions to the fullest …The guy we are talking about should learn that masiku ano avuta. Kuli matenda osiyana siyana. We do not want the government to lose its money by subsidizing the fees of people who will die 2 years after graduating. Ayi ayi ayi chepesani ukali! How can you have bedmates in all the levels? Munthu mmmodzi koma zibwenzi thoo. Ati china chopita nacho ku common room, china chopita nacho ku café, china ku church, china ku disco ya ku hotelo, china chopita nacho ku kagwentha, china chopita nacho kumwamba?

Let us be serious. Times are hard. Let us abstain! Condoms are dodgy. Amaphulika!