MZUNI GOSSIP

A big hug, welcome, smile and ki** to the new and presumably unadulterated breed of yaro sisters. Your entry into Mzuni is undisputedly timely since another consignment that Mzuni had cherished for four years is on the verge of bumping into its expiry date. In all fairness, the majority of the items in this stock ought to have already been branded “not fit for consumption” long, long, long, long ago.

A word of advice to the expiring items; “gwidwani while the sun shines” otherwise you’ll be shocked to realise that you hardly have a market out there. More importantly kuli Skyway, Shareworld and BBC, which are havens for tabwinotabwino who do not require one to move mountains to win their hearts. Mind you if you don’t buy my advice you’ll end up falling for ogulitsa mbatata zootcha or olandira ma 5 kwacha pa zimbuzi zolipira.
By the way that sister who once demonised the guy she’s hanging out with now, seems to have bought this advice well in advance that wagwidwa with the same not-fit-to-be-my-boyfriend chap. Not a very bad move, after all a “yellow banzi” is better than no bread at all. I’m not saying the guy is a yellow banzi…

While the new sisters, fresh from factory and very far from their expiry dates, are selling like chibuku at nthochi drinking joint, I would suggest that we administer the mbajira marketing style on the finales –buy one, get two for free. I mean ukagwira finale, you get awiri a pulayizi. How about that? Otherwise they’re age-old to compete against the mouth-watering, supple, tasty, juicy new initiates.

Hurry! Hurry! while the expiring stocks last! Kupeeza mafinale!! Kupeeza third level!! Kupeeza yaro tchuwa!!! Goods as cheap as they can be! Tchipi! Tchipi! Tchipi! Ukagwira mmodzi, you get awiri a pulayizi!!!…By the way you never know, you may become “wokagona” and not “wokabisala” anymore.